I Must Protect the 7'3" Polish Guy!
April/02/2009 04:25 PM Filed in: Random
Have you ever seen the movie “Can’t Hardly Wait”? I have many times. When I was a high schooler, our basketball team room had a pretty nice TV, couches, and a VCR. The problem was that there were only two movies in there. For no good reason whatsoever, one of these movies was Master P’s masterpiece: “I Got The Hookup.” The other was “Can’t Hardly Wait.” I digress.
In “Can’t Hardly Wait,” there’s a scene where the kids make the foreigner say things like “would you like to touch my...” you can finish the sentence. Anyways, that character kind of embodies my Polish teammate Cezary Trybanski. He actually speaks English pretty well, but there are times when he just doesn’t know when he’s being taken advantage of.
This story starts and ends with what happened the other night. We were out at some bar around the corner just talking and listening to this blues musician. One of my teammates is on the other side of the bar chillin, and Cezary is sitting next to some guy with a beard. It looks like they’re talking. A few minutes later, Cezary walks up to me.
“Can you come to tell me what he says?” He asks me.
“What are you talkin bout C?” I ask him right back.
“This guy, I don’t understand him. Find out what he says to me.”
I walk over with Cezary to this new friend. Cezary sits down again while I lean in.
“What are you talkin about? My teammate can’t understand you,” I yell to this guy over the music.
In a ridiculously raspy voice, like a Ken Kaniff from Connecticut type voice, he says:
“What are you guys doing?”
It was clear why Cezary couldn’t understand him. His voice was just do funny and raspy.
“We’re here chillin. That’s obvious,” I say to the creepy voiced guy.
“What are you guys doin later?” he asks me again.
I’m thinkin he knows about some sort of after party or something.
“I dunno man. We ain’t sure yet.”
“Do you guys wanna get in a hot tub with me?”
I thought I misheard him in a bad way.
“What!?!” I yell out even louder than before.
“I said do you guys wanna get in a hot tub with meeee?”
“HAIL NO!”
I grab Cezary and start to walk him away.
“Wait man, you don’t know what I’d do to you man. For real I’d s...”
The guy started a sentence I didn’t need to hear the end of. I took off running, Cezary right there with me until we were on the other side of the bar. RIght then, as if he had teleported over, the guy was right behind us.
“April fools, man. April fools, man,” he was yelling at us in his raspy, nasty Ken Kaniff voice.
I told him to step off. I didn’t believe him. It wasn’t even April Fools day, for one. Secondly, you cant run an April Fools joke on someone who doesn’t speak English. Whatever. Moral of the story is that I now have to watch over the Polish guy so that nobody takes advantage of him.
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