Funny MySpace Messages 3
01/01/07 01:46 Filed in: MySpace
Messages
Im just gonna dive right into this one. Now the
first thing Ill show u isnt a message, persay, but
when u have a photo like this person, u send alot
more than any message ever could. Now the
caption under this main photo read “Is this Sexy?”
Ill let u be the judge:
Makes you wonder...Is my photo sexy enough to compete? Well Im not conceited but Im gonna have to say yes. I would rather look at a picture of elmo playing the piano than to look at this guy wearing nothing more then a perm and a bow-tie.
So we’re just gettin warmed up right now. That guy was simply a friend request which for some reason, I accepted. hahaha. But what about some of these messages. Like these two:
Hey Baby
...two days later
Hey Baby
I didnt reply to either message for a few reasons. For one, what the hell does “Hey Baby” mean to me? Absolutely nothin, it actually makes me mad cuz Im not your baby. I dont even kno you, so u can let that one go. Secondly, and probably most importantly, this is the person who sent it:
Now when I saw this photo I thought to myself “Man, or woman, man, or woman?” You really to focus on the fact that this “thing” called me baby. Bad for a woman, unacceptable from a male. My profile literally says 20 words, one of which is STRAIGHT. Well as it turns out this is a man, and his profile is the oddest shit ive ever seen. It definitely said he was gay, some random Madonna song was playin in the background, and in the midst of it all was this photo, which completely made me regret ever opening that message with no subject header that read “Hey Baby.”
you can check this guy out at
http://www.myspace.com/oll4you
OK OK Let it rain and clear it out. Clear it right the fuck out. Moving on...I still think the best is yet to come in this little expose, but I guess you all are the judge of that, so Ill toss this little number at you.
i just came across ur profile and thought i would say hi! u have a nice smile..
I know what ur thinking...there’s absolutely nothin wrong with this, which is true. That message is very respectful and whatnot. But like ive said before, you have to stay within societal rules, you just have to. Now, Im no Usher or Timberlake or even fuckin Marlon Wayans, but I think I look good enough to where girls like this, by default, should be out of my league. I wanna reiterate, Halle Berry = out of my leaguea, Angelina Jolie = out of my league, any girl with a Beyonce-esqe feature = probably out of my league. This girl however is a bit on the south side of the equation kno what I mean:
What I found to be particularly funny was the fact that her myspace name was “I WANNA BE THE GIRL YOU POINT TO AND SAY ‘THATS HER’”. Word? Forreal? I absolutely would do that. Id tap my homie on the shoulder after I see her from afar and say to him “Wow homie, thats her...Thats that NASTY chick from myspace who got at me!” Hahaha Im really not this cruel at all, but the whole “thats her” thing really got to me. You probably didnt even laugh at that, and you now think Im an asshole, well Im not, and lets see if you laugh at this:
Hey whats up? How u doing? Im aight about to go to bed sense im geting sick. Ur almost 7 ft tall damn, thanks for making me feel even more short. Lol anyways I just posted a new poem that I just wrote on a blog u should read it and let me know what u think. Holla back
Dre
So0o0o many things wrong with this. For starters, this girl uses the patented “Hold a conversation with herself” technique. She asks me how Im doing and then for some strange reason has the nerve to assume that I want to know how shes doin and whats up with her. Fuck that lil bebe. Wow youre gettin sick? Haha, you’re cool man! Lets be friends! How in the world do words on ur monitor screen make you feel short? Whatever, right? Wrong. It doesnt stop at this message with her. Take a look at her:
WOWOWOWOWOW! There you are huh? That would be you wouldnt it? Unbelievable. Corn Rows and a trucker hat turned sideways? How perfect. I felt bad for not payin attention to hey message. It now made alot more sense. She said she was sick and needed to go to bed. Of course! Someone gave her some shit that made her think she could go out and get cornrows, and then message me, she must be sick! Now shes takin herself to bed cuz she needs to come back down to reality. I have a feeling that you readers out there still arent gettin the most out of these messages so I saved what I thought to be the best for last. Im gonna go ahead and give u this girl’s photo first instead of after:
There she is. Not attractee to her, but I wouldnt call her ugly. She might make some guy real happy one day, but not me. Who knows maybe its this guy:
He seems to have that Buckwheat/ metrosexual/ I only listen to Bonnie Tyler, Carrie Underwood, and Clay Aiken type look to him. Maybe thats a good thing for her, maybe not. As for what she sent me:
soooo...i'm bored at work entertain me
I had a couple of options when I got this. First I could simply chuckle at the fact that this girl thought that it was MY responsibility to entertain her, at work no less. Second, I could walk away becuz it really wasnt funny at all. Or third, I could have a little fun, cuz why not? I opted for number 3 only becuz I knew you guys would appreciate it more than I would. So boom I responded back with this little tall tale:
thats neat. im studying podiatry. boring, but its my life
I thought to myself that if I just sounded as nerdy as possible (not remembering the fact that I do spend hours writing shit on a website I maintain) that she would just leave it alone, but I was wrong:
oooooh a doctor...will you marry me? haha just kidding my coworker has a fungus on her pinky toe can you help her?
Oh shit son, she actually bought it - in a good way - unbelievable! But no what the hell I just said what in her right mind would make her think its OK to tell me about her fuckin coworkers infected pinky toe? Bad to look at even worse to write out...whats wrong with this chick? I had to keep the fun rolling. I asked myself what would be the most ridiculous, yet believable thing I could say back? Boom:
sure. heres a little known fact about foot fungi: dipping the foot in a small buckets of half olive oil and half of any kind of dish soap will kill 95 percent of them. She could try that if she doesnt want to spend too much time with a horrible fungus
Hahahahhaa absofuckinlutely perfect. I felt like I wrote it in a way where, if she truly believed I was a doctor, she had no choice but to take it seriously. Question was, did it work? Well:
Oh extra smart now are we? I'm an athlete and i heard if you pee on your feet in the shower it kills bacteria is that true?
Hmm. This was a tough one. Did she believe it and wanted to know more or was it just a test to see if I really knew my stuff? I didnt wanna take any chances and mess this up, so I wikipediad that shit and turns out she was right...urine does kill shit. Coddamn, Im a foot doctor and I didnt know that, I guess you learn somethin new everyday. So I hit her back with this:
yes thats true
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_urine
I figured that if I hit her with that she would lay to rest any possible doubts if she hadnt already believed me. So I got this back:
so youre gonna be a doctor?
Right then and there I realized that she had been putty in my hands since this MySpace message fest started 3 hours earlier. She was probably at work, thinkin she had bagged her a doctor, her friend chillin with her foot in a vat of the nastiest slimiest shit of all time hoping that it would cure her foot fungus when it probably was making that shit smellier and nastier. I had won. What a feeling that was sitting there satisfied that I had somehow accomplished so much with only my mind, fingertips and MacBook. Well I had to finish it off right so I capped off my glorious run with this:
no, i just stayed in a holiday inn express last night
How clever of me. Well that about does it for this installment of funny myspace messages. Until next time lil bebe. Holla. Let it rain, and wash it out.
Makes you wonder...Is my photo sexy enough to compete? Well Im not conceited but Im gonna have to say yes. I would rather look at a picture of elmo playing the piano than to look at this guy wearing nothing more then a perm and a bow-tie.
So we’re just gettin warmed up right now. That guy was simply a friend request which for some reason, I accepted. hahaha. But what about some of these messages. Like these two:
Hey Baby
...two days later
Hey Baby
I didnt reply to either message for a few reasons. For one, what the hell does “Hey Baby” mean to me? Absolutely nothin, it actually makes me mad cuz Im not your baby. I dont even kno you, so u can let that one go. Secondly, and probably most importantly, this is the person who sent it:
Now when I saw this photo I thought to myself “Man, or woman, man, or woman?” You really to focus on the fact that this “thing” called me baby. Bad for a woman, unacceptable from a male. My profile literally says 20 words, one of which is STRAIGHT. Well as it turns out this is a man, and his profile is the oddest shit ive ever seen. It definitely said he was gay, some random Madonna song was playin in the background, and in the midst of it all was this photo, which completely made me regret ever opening that message with no subject header that read “Hey Baby.”
you can check this guy out at
http://www.myspace.com/oll4you
OK OK Let it rain and clear it out. Clear it right the fuck out. Moving on...I still think the best is yet to come in this little expose, but I guess you all are the judge of that, so Ill toss this little number at you.
i just came across ur profile and thought i would say hi! u have a nice smile..
I know what ur thinking...there’s absolutely nothin wrong with this, which is true. That message is very respectful and whatnot. But like ive said before, you have to stay within societal rules, you just have to. Now, Im no Usher or Timberlake or even fuckin Marlon Wayans, but I think I look good enough to where girls like this, by default, should be out of my league. I wanna reiterate, Halle Berry = out of my leaguea, Angelina Jolie = out of my league, any girl with a Beyonce-esqe feature = probably out of my league. This girl however is a bit on the south side of the equation kno what I mean:
What I found to be particularly funny was the fact that her myspace name was “I WANNA BE THE GIRL YOU POINT TO AND SAY ‘THATS HER’”. Word? Forreal? I absolutely would do that. Id tap my homie on the shoulder after I see her from afar and say to him “Wow homie, thats her...Thats that NASTY chick from myspace who got at me!” Hahaha Im really not this cruel at all, but the whole “thats her” thing really got to me. You probably didnt even laugh at that, and you now think Im an asshole, well Im not, and lets see if you laugh at this:
Hey whats up? How u doing? Im aight about to go to bed sense im geting sick. Ur almost 7 ft tall damn, thanks for making me feel even more short. Lol anyways I just posted a new poem that I just wrote on a blog u should read it and let me know what u think. Holla back
Dre
So0o0o many things wrong with this. For starters, this girl uses the patented “Hold a conversation with herself” technique. She asks me how Im doing and then for some strange reason has the nerve to assume that I want to know how shes doin and whats up with her. Fuck that lil bebe. Wow youre gettin sick? Haha, you’re cool man! Lets be friends! How in the world do words on ur monitor screen make you feel short? Whatever, right? Wrong. It doesnt stop at this message with her. Take a look at her:
WOWOWOWOWOW! There you are huh? That would be you wouldnt it? Unbelievable. Corn Rows and a trucker hat turned sideways? How perfect. I felt bad for not payin attention to hey message. It now made alot more sense. She said she was sick and needed to go to bed. Of course! Someone gave her some shit that made her think she could go out and get cornrows, and then message me, she must be sick! Now shes takin herself to bed cuz she needs to come back down to reality. I have a feeling that you readers out there still arent gettin the most out of these messages so I saved what I thought to be the best for last. Im gonna go ahead and give u this girl’s photo first instead of after:
There she is. Not attractee to her, but I wouldnt call her ugly. She might make some guy real happy one day, but not me. Who knows maybe its this guy:
He seems to have that Buckwheat/ metrosexual/ I only listen to Bonnie Tyler, Carrie Underwood, and Clay Aiken type look to him. Maybe thats a good thing for her, maybe not. As for what she sent me:
soooo...i'm bored at work entertain me
I had a couple of options when I got this. First I could simply chuckle at the fact that this girl thought that it was MY responsibility to entertain her, at work no less. Second, I could walk away becuz it really wasnt funny at all. Or third, I could have a little fun, cuz why not? I opted for number 3 only becuz I knew you guys would appreciate it more than I would. So boom I responded back with this little tall tale:
thats neat. im studying podiatry. boring, but its my life
I thought to myself that if I just sounded as nerdy as possible (not remembering the fact that I do spend hours writing shit on a website I maintain) that she would just leave it alone, but I was wrong:
oooooh a doctor...will you marry me? haha just kidding my coworker has a fungus on her pinky toe can you help her?
Oh shit son, she actually bought it - in a good way - unbelievable! But no what the hell I just said what in her right mind would make her think its OK to tell me about her fuckin coworkers infected pinky toe? Bad to look at even worse to write out...whats wrong with this chick? I had to keep the fun rolling. I asked myself what would be the most ridiculous, yet believable thing I could say back? Boom:
sure. heres a little known fact about foot fungi: dipping the foot in a small buckets of half olive oil and half of any kind of dish soap will kill 95 percent of them. She could try that if she doesnt want to spend too much time with a horrible fungus
Hahahahhaa absofuckinlutely perfect. I felt like I wrote it in a way where, if she truly believed I was a doctor, she had no choice but to take it seriously. Question was, did it work? Well:
Oh extra smart now are we? I'm an athlete and i heard if you pee on your feet in the shower it kills bacteria is that true?
Hmm. This was a tough one. Did she believe it and wanted to know more or was it just a test to see if I really knew my stuff? I didnt wanna take any chances and mess this up, so I wikipediad that shit and turns out she was right...urine does kill shit. Coddamn, Im a foot doctor and I didnt know that, I guess you learn somethin new everyday. So I hit her back with this:
yes thats true
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_urine
I figured that if I hit her with that she would lay to rest any possible doubts if she hadnt already believed me. So I got this back:
so youre gonna be a doctor?
Right then and there I realized that she had been putty in my hands since this MySpace message fest started 3 hours earlier. She was probably at work, thinkin she had bagged her a doctor, her friend chillin with her foot in a vat of the nastiest slimiest shit of all time hoping that it would cure her foot fungus when it probably was making that shit smellier and nastier. I had won. What a feeling that was sitting there satisfied that I had somehow accomplished so much with only my mind, fingertips and MacBook. Well I had to finish it off right so I capped off my glorious run with this:
no, i just stayed in a holiday inn express last night
How clever of me. Well that about does it for this installment of funny myspace messages. Until next time lil bebe. Holla. Let it rain, and wash it out.
