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My Horn Can Pierce the Sky!

Rod Benson — 2008-12-12T11:58:37-08:00

This is my exit poem. Yes I left France. This poem probably accurate describes no part of it haha.

My Horn Can Pierce the Sky!

There’s a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance

There’s a hole in the wall
Where you can see it all

Just kidding, kind of, I didn’t see
The hole in the wall was too short for me

But I didn’t come here for the trouble
I came to get the double doubles

Alas, that chance for me never came
I sat on the bench the entire game!

The reason? No reason, just haterism
So I partook in some grand tourism

Barcelona and Florence, I saw it all
But I would have preferred to see the ball

Think of me just like you would Vinny Chase
On the set of Smoke Jumpers, such a disgrace

But While I was there I got a lot done
I ate fois gros and drank wine with my man Julian

I dominated the Nancy Mario Kart Circuit
And saw TJ Parker get a $22K haircut

I brought all the hype and none of the drama
And I screwed Sarah Palin -- by voting OBAMA

So now I must go to another place
I’ll do like the Joker and put a smile on your face

Them hold me down? Id like to see em try
But don’t forget, my horn can pierce the sky!

You want more than Too Much?

Rod Benson — 2008-12-10T15:03:53-08:00

First, go to www.twitter.com/boomtho.

Then, enjoy, or become a follower for instant updates.

That is all.

P.S. I update it a lot because it’s just one sentence.

A Blackberry, Paris, a Train, a Taxi, and a Faulty Card That Nearly Led to my Demise.

Rod Benson — 2008-12-08T14:53:19-08:00

Before you hear this story, you need to understand that I bought a Blackberry Storm here in France about a week ago. I got it here so that I could use my ATT card in it and get 3G speeds. It has been a bit of a process to get it unlocked though and, after searching all week, I discovered a place in Paris that could unlock it effortlessly. Today I had a day off and attempted to get this done. This is my story.

Stalker Update or Why I Can't be Facebook Friends with French People Anymore

Rod Benson — 2008-12-08T14:28:56-08:00

So, first of all, the stalker is running around telling people that we talk all the time. Still! From what I was told, she has been chatting with “me” on MSN messenger, even after I made it clear to her and every other person of interest that I DO NOT use MSN messenger. I took her OFF my Facebook friends and told her to check herself.

Well, apparently that didn’t work because she has also told people that I asked her to meet me in Barcelona and I that I waved to her in the stands because she REALLY WENT DOWN TO BARCA FOR THE GAME!

Besides just her, I’ve been told that the French fans take pictures from my Facebook profile and paste them into various other sites. Sometimes with negative comments, sometimes without, but always party pictures or pictures from my day off. Maybe my days of putting up photo’s should come to an end anyway, or maybe I should finally stop adding anybody who wants to be my friend. JGant has been monitoring his FB pics for a long time now because his job checks it. I guess, as a professional, it’s time I did the same.

What do you think?

It's So Cold!

Rod Benson — 2008-12-08T14:26:18-08:00

There isn’t much point to this post, other than the fact that this is the most serious music video I’ve ever seen that I CAN NOT stop laughing at. It has some abrasive language, so, just a warning. I also dont quite understand why it has close to A MILLION VIEWS! You tell me:

I Have a Real Life Stalker (Finally)

Rod Benson — 2008-11-14T10:09:42-08:00

---the names have been changed to protect myself---

During my second week here in France (early September), I logged onto Facebook and did my normal add-friends-poke-back-wall-post deal as usual. Unlike MySpace, I never really check who I’m adding, I just do. The ‘book is just not as crazy as MySpace so I don’t find the need for background checks.

Well, maybe that time has come, because just when I thought Mark Zuckerberg had made it safe to Facebook, I got a message from “Julie” on Facebook messenger:

“Welcome to Nancy! I am excited that you are here.”

“Thanks,” I answered.

“I am friends with your teammate. I saw your practice today.”

“Have I met you before?” I asked.

“No. Just saying hi,” she replied.

Bill Adler Photoshoot

Rod Benson — 2008-11-02T16:26:45-08:00

Before I left the U.S., I travelled up to Eugene, Oregon to help my buddy Sam out. He works for Bill Adler Leather, and they make high fashion belts that are sold in trendy boutiques all over.

Anyway, his Idea was to have belts be used in interesting/funny/fantastic ways. There’s not much of a story here, but i think the photo’s are funny. The first few are the ones that were actually used, after that are the ones I just think are awesome. You may recognize many of them from Boom Got Them 3.

Avi is Nuts (another example of a crazy Euro)

Rod Benson — 2008-11-02T16:12:55-08:00

If you don’t know who Avi is, then you should go back and read “Naggin in Iceland.” Its a great little tale about his first year in Iceland. Anyway, now this is a short little iChat he sent me:

Avi: some guy that lives abouve came down to tell me they were doin construction but he spole little english so he tryin to tell and im thinking what the f*ck is this dude saying

Avi: anywyas we finally figure each other out after about an hour and he tries to make small talk and asks me where im from

Avi:and before i could say the usa he shouts out AFRICA

Avi: DEAD SERIOUS TOO

Me: hahahaha

Avi: I WAS STANDING THERE LIKE IS AVI FOGEL GONNA HAVE TO SMACK A BIOTCH

Avi: couldnt belive it man

Me:
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Avi: hahahaha i know man

Avi doen’t feel comfortable in his apartment anymore I guess. I wouldn’t either. It’s OK dawg, I got your back.

Funny MySpace Messages 10

Rod Benson — 2008-10-15T05:34:17-07:00

{Go back and check out installments 1-9 if you haven’t already}

It’s been quite a while since the last “Funny MySpace Messages” dropped, but that’s ok. I think you’ll find the same craziness here that you’re accustomed to finding in my MySpace inbox. In addition to my messages, I’ve got a couple of Clay’s and a even one of Prelle’s. Let’s do it.

I’ll start if off with a girl who was featured in the last installment. She, like so many others, just would NOT STOP with the messages. I just don’t understand why a person would keep sending messages over months and months. Well, “Irene a.k.a. ‘sex big mommy’” and I don’t see eye to eye on this because, in addition to the messages she sent me before, she sent me these as well:

No Subject
Body:
hello sup with you??

Then, 2 months later:

Subject:
No Subject
Body:
hello . . .

How many times can you say hello before someone wants to gag your face (see “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)? The lack of interest on my part is clear. There is no answer, therefore there should be no more questions. It aint hard to see why:

The Dance Off: JGant's Turn

Rod Benson — 2008-10-15T05:27:46-07:00

If you haven’t checked out the first two installments of “The Dance Off,” it’s about time you did. I already know what you’re gonna say about JGant’s part though. It SUCKS. HE SUCKS. He is NOT the frontrunner by any means. With this performance, JGant has clearly left the door open for me to come in and dominate everyone.

JGants Dance Off vid from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

Peer Pressure Drinking in France

Rod Benson — 2008-09-12T14:03:13-07:00

I left my crib and headed downtown (it’s like 4 minutes from my spot). There’s one restaurant that serves Italian food that I had already been to before with my teammates. The main server speaks good english, so she understands that I like my steak medium-well and not the usual purple-red bloody meat that is served out here. The owner is also a real nice guy who hands me the remote to the flat screen so I can change the channel. It’s a good thing.

After I left there, I went to a bar to meet my teammate. He never showed up. I ended up sitting there drinking some drink that consists of Stella, Cannes (which I think is sugar), and Absinthe. I had about five of those bad boys while waiting for my teammate to show up.

Finally, I got tired of waiting and I left. On my way back to the house, I walked past a bar that the owner of the Italian restaurant happened to be seated out of of. He was with a big group of people. He called me over and asked that I partake in some drinks with them. Who was I to say no?

One Last Vegas Story (The Best One)

Rod Benson — 2008-09-12T02:45:44-07:00

It was just one of those mornings. I knew that the night before had been spectacular because I woke up in my own bedroom and, for a split second, thought it wasn’t. It was a relief to know that I made it back to my hotel room and that my boys were there too. Well, actually, one of my boys, Elram, was there, the other, JGant, was nowhere to be found.

It was time for me and Elram to recount what happened the night before. I knew the story to a point. We all showed up at JET Nightclub hoping to get in, even though Elram didn’t have an I.D. I knew it’d be a tall order, but he wanted to go to the hottest club that night and not settle for the Palms.

Clearly they wanted no parts of him and his lack of identification, so we had to bounce. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to head back to the Palms, so that if he was denied again, I could just go right to bed. Elram and JGant had other plans. They wanted to stay and wait for this girl to pick them up so they could try to go to the HARD ROCK and sneak in. After a short argument, it was decided that I had to get back to Palms. They stayed and waited for the girl. That is when our nights went down different paths.

Rubber Ducky Escape!

Rod Benson — 2008-08-20T21:39:11-07:00

After our early scrimmage on the Tuesday of Summer League, Joel Bosh (Chris Bosh’s brother), CJ Giles, Elram, and I were looking for something to do for the night since we had a day off the next day. At around 5pm, CJ hit me up and let me know that was going on. He mentioned to me that there was “Rubber Ducky” pool party going on that night and that we should go check out how much a cabana would cost us.

We all went down there to check it out at about 6. There were people all over who were setting up the cabana’s and filling to pool with the signature rubber duckies. We first went over to the pool and grabbed all the rubber duckies we could that were marked “free drink.” We must have left with about 25 free drink duckies, but before we did, our cabana host showed us which cabana would be ours. he set us up with one at the very back of the pool where we would be right next to a bar. Boom. He told us that each bottle would run about $400, but that he could kick us another one under the table for half off. Basically, we would be set. I was excited.

We headed back down to the pool around 9pm and it was already crackin. We went back to our cabana and got the party started. The problem with the situation was that somebody invited these girls into our cabana (nothin wrong with that, usually) who proceeded to destroy our entire $400 bottle and half our ducky supply. Coddamit.

How to Sneak Into Ghostbar (And Get Your Legs Broke!)

Rod Benson — 2008-08-19T20:01:38-07:00

A month ago I wrote a story about how simple and easy it is to sneak into Body English nightclub in Las Vegas. Well, as it turns out, there is another Vegas hotspot that is nearly as easy to sneak into called “Ghostbar” at the Palms.

So while I was in Vegas for the summer league, it became apparent that Ghostbar was the best place to go because I was staying in the Palms and it was located on the top floor of the same tower that I was staying in. Essentially, I could head up there at 9 and be in bed by 11 if I felt like it. It was the perfect spot.

During my two weeks in Vegas one of my fellow Boom Tho Originator’s, Elram, came out to stay with me for a number of days. It was all good except for the fact that Elram isn’t 21 and his fake I.D. was confiscated the first day he got to Vegas. This presented many problems. He had asipirations of partying at all the big clubs, but since I wanted to be in bed early and he didnt have an I.D., we tried to get him into Ghostbar.

JGant was also visiting and I informed them both that I had been let into Ghostbar for free and without being carded before. I felt that it would be easy for them to just get right in. They agreed and Ghostbar became our destination for the night.

Aubrey Sings Maxwell

Rod Benson — 2008-08-19T19:54:01-07:00

Aubrey gives us another look at his talents, this time in vocal form to the tune of Maxwell.

Aubrey Sings Maxwell from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

The Dance Off: Aubreys Turn

Rod Benson — 2008-08-03T19:28:26-07:00

First of all, if you haven’t seen “The Dance Off,” go back and check it out first.

Now, there has been a bit of tension around these parts lately. See, Clay has been a little touched (if you couldnt tell by his comments on his “dance off” vid) about the response to his video. But hey, he knew the rules of the game when he entered it.

Part of Clay’s “Dance Off” related sulking has included his refusal to watch the video that you are about to watch. He has yet to see Aubrey’s video. I’ve seen it. It’s great. You have to pay attention to this one a little more. The entire first minute is Aubrey trying to get ready and in my opinion, it’s the funniest thing ever. Anyway, I’ll let you be the judge. Here it is:

Aubrey Enters the Dance Off from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

Rememeber, I’ll have a vote at the end of 4 weeks to determine who is the best.

BTGOM: July

Rod Benson — 2008-07-31T11:06:41-07:00

So I have recieved yet another self nomination for BTGOM. She actually sent messages to both my MySpace and Facebook, which under different circumstances, might qualify her for a slot in “Funny MySpace Messages” (look for a new installment soon). Instead, I was intorduced to a smart, motivated, woman with a high degree of boom-tho-ness and an even higher degree of proactivity. Oh yea, and she’s easy on the eyes. Verrry easy.

I’ll just tell you what she told me and you can read why I felt comfortable naming her BTGOM: July:

The Dance Off

Rod Benson — 2008-07-24T09:50:14-07:00

A few weeks back, my boy Clayton, a couple of his co-workers and I wer having dinner in SF. Clayton works for a start-up video sharing website called “Howcast.com.” Anyway, I guess that being the only black guy there instantly shufles him to the top of most socially cool catagories.

I’m not sure how it came up, but one of his co-workers was talking about how great Clayton is at dancing. They all go out sometimes and Clayton hold down the dance floor while they all sit around and watch him work his moves. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when they were praising him as an honorable mention Jabawakee.

“Clay’s not a bad dancer,” I told them, “but he’s not exactly as tight as you’re making him sound.”

“When we go out, he has all the moves,” they informed me.

Clay was sitting there the whole time. You could tell he was ready to say something, but he was just acknowledging their words so far.

“In your group he may be at the top of the list, but in my group he’s like the third best,” I said.

That’s when he snapped. Clay made it a point to say that he was clearly the best in the group. I told him that he was for sure not better than JGant (I took myself out of it, but clearly I’m better too). I also told him that his “break-off-a-breezy” abilities are top notch, but his solo moves are what place him at #3. Clay took real offense to that.

We spent the next hour arguing, with his co-workers mocking input, over where he fell in the ranks of our group. Clay feels that I’m too tall to look right when dancing. He feels that JGant only has one real move, and is not a good break-off artist.

So, that night he just started dancing. I busted out the camera and I realized what was about to transpire. We now have a multi-person, two round, you-decided-the-winner, dance off. Each week I’ll post the video of a contestant or two and at the end of 4 weeks, Ill take a vote to crown the dance off champion. As of right now, the contestants are Clay, JGant, Aubrey (be prepared to die laughing), and myself.

Let’s kick it off right with Clayty Clays dance off video:

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

How to Sneak Into Body English / Sugar Shane's My Boy!

Rod Benson — 2008-07-20T19:38:22-07:00

This story happened over Memorial Day weekend, but I was too busy to write about it before heading to the Summer League. Anyway, I definitely feel that it’s worth reading. In a way, it’s a story, but in another way, it’s a very simple way to start your night outside the Hard Rock hotel in Vegas and end your night inside of Body English nightclub at the Hard Rock. Here goes:

We started out our night in our pimp ass presidential suite at Caesar’s Palace. While we were decided where to go, I got an E-Mail from Dj Dig Dug alerting me that Body English was the spot to be that night.

You Just Got JGanted!

Rod Benson — 2008-07-06T22:03:05-07:00

The second day of Memorial Day weekend, JGant, Kim, Ced and I were walking down the strip, when somebody thought it’d be a good idea to go into some bootleg casino and play the slots. I guess one of my homies had garnered a ticket that gave them $50 in free slot play, so thats what they did. It was obviously a set-up. A winner wasn’t a winner unless the jackpot was hit, which, of course, was never going to happen.

Well, while we were in this place, JGant and I walked around a bit because he wanted to play blackjack or something. After about a quarter-lap around the tables, someone yelled out to me.

“Rod Benson! Boom Tho!”

I turned around and there were some guys who looked pretty excited to be part of the movement. Soon after they saw me, they saw JGant.

“JGant! JGant! What’s up?!”

The Ipod Game?

Rod Benson — 2008-07-04T13:39:18-07:00

Memorial weekend was coming to an end and it seemed like we hadn’t really enjoyed our pool at Caesars Palace quite the way we should. On Memorial Day Monday we decided this should change. JGant, Ramy, and I headed to the elevator to go down to the pool. When we stepped on, there were three pretty good looking women on there too. We talked for a second, then parted ways when the elevator reached the lobby.

We dropped our bags off at the front desk and headed over to the pool. After searching for 3 chairs for what seemed like ages, we finally found our resting place in a shaded area of the pool deck and sat down. 20 minutes later, those same girls from the elevator came walking out of the pool in their swimsuits and sat in their chairs, which just so happened to be 15 feet from us, facing us.

I’m pretty sure that most girls look better in swimwear (see why I’m always trynna get in there?), and they were no different. They went from good to great just that quickly.

BTGOM: May (Yes, I know it's July right now)

Rod Benson — 2008-07-03T10:04:03-07:00

This was meant to go up long ago, but that doesn’t mean that this month’s BTGOM is any less important than the past winners of the prestigious award. This month is particularly special actually, because I decided to include an honorable mention. It’s also special because both of the following Boom Tho Girls EARNED their spot.

In true pageant form, I’ll first list the honorable mention BTGOM. This girl earned her spot not because she is a model or a celebrity. It wasn’t because people emailed me about her. It wasn’t because she was discovered at a Des Moines, Iowa bar (been to many) like a diamond in the rough. This girl is an honorable mention BTGOM strictly due to the fact that she wanted to be and because she was persistent and witty in her pursuit of the title.

Return of the Mac

Rod Benson — 2008-07-03T09:57:32-07:00

It’s been damn near 40 days since my last post. I’ll explain why real quickly. My trusty old MacBook decided to take a permanent vacation. It was working just fine, then it just never turned on again. The sourcefile for my site was stuck on that computer and thus, lost forever. I have since purchased a new MacBook Pro and started the rebuilding process, which included copying and pasting ALL the content from my old site.

Anyways, now I have MANY entries to update over the next couple weeks, so expect a healthy dose of ridiculousness.

Frantic Search for Jeans in Vegas

Rod Benson — 2008-05-21T15:57:02-07:00

When my season ended, I was scheduled to go to Eugene, OR for the weekend to get together with my man Sammy Glaser and shoot some photos for Bill Adler Designs. Well, the trip was paid for and everything, when I found out that JGant was gonna be in Vegas that same weekend. How could I pass on an opportunity to party with my partner in crime in the Sin City? I couldn't. I had to switch it up and make my way down to Vegas.

Along with JGant was a whole crew of Berkeley kids who were all part of my crew back in the day, so I didn't mind sharing a room with 3 other grown men. The entire weekend was ridiculous to be honest. We had a group of about 12 in 3 adjoining rooms, so everybody was wilin' out the whole time. We hit the town in our boom tho shirts as a crew and everything. It was solid. We even started freestylin' some boom tho raps while we were pre-gaming in the hotel room:

Poem Game 3

Rod Benson — 2008-05-13T15:55:48-07:00

I was down in San Diego last week to visit the mother when I decided that it would be a good idea to visit my high school's basketball team banquet. You know, one of those end of the year, let's celebrate the good guys and give certificates to the scrubs, type of deal.

While I was there, some of the kids on the Varsity team wanted to know how I felt about helping them work on one of the servers with some poetry. Specifically, they wanted to play The Poem Game. I was all for it, of course. I was able to grab a pen and a napkin and I got to work. It seems to be getting harder to come up with new poems on the fly, but I was still able to whip one up. This is what I wrote for them:

Outside this room golf is everywhere,
But inside this place love is in the air
You wear black and white, I want to Looky
You look like a tasty Oreo cookie
Think about the games we could play
In a golf cart out on Lomas Santa Fe
Monica, you work here, I'm from Torrey Pines
Monica I could say your name a 1000 times
If I'm a ninja turtle, be my April O'niel
Come get my Ooze, if that's how you feel
Better yet I'll be Shrek, you be Fiona
We'd make sweet artwork like the Mona
Let me take you out to lunch, be my Hannah Montana
You bring some chips, I'll bring the banana!

I gave the napkin back to Ramsey Hopkins, a junior at TP. He then gave it to the server. Here's how it went down:

Untitled from Rod Benson on Vimeo.

The Bachelor Party

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:52:14-07:00

What you are about to witness is an email account of a very terrible situation that me and some of my boys are going through. I'll give you a little back-story on the issue first. My roommate of four years, Richard Midgley, is getting married this summer. He is the first of my friends to get married, so I'm kind of new to the whole process. The lack of experience comes into play even more because I am actually in the wedding, so I am one of three guys all in charge of making sure the bachelor party is off the chain. Now you know all you need to know to read the following. It's an email sent by Christian Prelle (my hoops teammate turned model friend) regarding the bachelor party situation, Richard was not CC'd in this email:

Naggin in Iceland

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:51:11-07:00

My old high school teammate and current overseas baller Avi Fogel and I were driving down to the UCSD campus to play some pickup ball with the D2 kids when he decided to break the silence of the lazy afternoon.

"Rod man I forgot to tell you about for funny ish that happened when I was overseas in Iceland," he said excitedly, knowing that I would enjoy the story.

"Oh yea?" I responded. "What's crackin?"

Uncommon Sense: RIP Soulja Boy

Rod Benson — 2008-05-07T15:48:02-07:00

So I was riding in the car with my mom and a couple of her friends the other day and while she's in the car I tend to keep the music tuned to something that's a little more mellow than, perhaps something I would play riding alone. I have XM radio in my car so as we are riding a Luther Vandross song comes on. It was a song even I knew the words to so we began singing it and just having a good old time. After the song went off my mom said something that got me thinking.

“Boy I am going to miss Luther, it’s crazy to think that he is gone along with Gerald Levert. We grew up listening to those guys...”

As my elders rode in the car reminiscing about their good times growing up to their music, I though to myself “Who am I going have to miss?” Seriously, that is a valid question. Let’s say 40 years from now when I'm riding in the car with my children and they decide to play some old school, and “Crank that Soulja Boy” comes on the radio, how am I supposed to respond???

“Kids this here is old school! You young people don't know nothing bout this here Soulja Boy. I'm so sorry he passed. He cranked that Soulja Boy one too many times. He will be missed.”

Funny as that may seem, that is a very real possibility. Now I just use Soulja Boy because he is very popular right now. I hate to admit it, but when his song comes on in the club, you catch everybody (including me), doing this little dance. My prediction is in 2038, the top 5 Top Golden Oldies will be Yo by Chris Brown, Lip Gloss by Lil Mama, Aye Bay Bay by Hurricane Chris, Fresh Azimiz by Bow Wow, and finally Show Stopper by Danity Kane. Honorable Mention: Wipe me down by Lil Boosie. Boom Tho
NBA Draft Update: So I am working hard preparing for the NBA pre-draft camp in Orlando. I can honestly say that I have never done anything this physically draining in my life. I work out at the most 3 and a half hours a day, and the majority of those other 21 hours are spent sleeping and dreading the next days workout. You truly have to love the game in order to keep yourself in the mind frame to keep on pushing. I am working out with University of Maryland standout, James Gist, Michigan State shooter, Drew Nitziel, and Memphis Center Joey Dorsey. We are going hard, early every morning and pushing the envelope daily. It is safe to say I am a certified "Envelope Pusher." I'll be sure to keep you posted on how the workouts are going.

Funny, Joey dorsey was callin me big time but this dude left the mall with me and went straight to the Cadillic dealership to pick up his escalade ESV.

Uncommon Sense: The Beginning

Rod Benson — 2008-04-28T15:45:31-07:00

For those of you who are don't know who I am, My Name is DeVon Hardin. I am former Cal golden bear and aspiring NBA prospect. Rod and I played together at Cal my freshman and sophomore year. One thing I can say about Rod is for about 75% of the time we spent playing together, I HATED him. Plan and simply put I was waiting for the day where he would push me to the point in which I had no choice but to beat the living crap out of him. Part of this may have stemmed from our competing to play the same position. I believe most of it was just Rod's personality. As a younger man I just resented him but over time I learned to tolerate him.

Not to sound too sentimental but today Rod is one of my closest friends and he has finally convinced me to give this blog thing a try. I suppose it could be pretty interesting. One of the things that has been holding me back from doing this sooner is the fact that, it is difficult to start a blog. So I am going to take a shortcut and piggyback off TMRB.com considering the fact that he has such a large fan base already.

While I may not have as many oddly entertaining antics as Rod, I do have some pretty funny stuff to talk about. I mean, I am not even in the NBA yet and somehow life has completely changed since the moment I left Berkeley. The only rule passed down to me by my senior blogger is this: whatever I write I have to make sure that it maintains the standards of Boom-Tho-Ness. Keep your eyes open. Boom Tho.

Devon Hardin is a former Cal Bear and is currently preparing for the NBA draft. He asked me to let him blog on TMRB.com so here it is. He wanted to call his blog "Uncommon Sense." Nobody knows why. Boom.

BTGOM: April

Rod Benson — 2008-04-24T15:43:12-07:00

I asked, you answered. I wanted to know who the next BTGOM should be, and I got the same answer many times. I was apprehensive about accepting this particular suggestion because I remember reading something about her last year. I read that she really doesn't want all the attention that she's been getting. I read that as a high schooler, she was basically being stalked and that there were pictures and discussions and websites all chronicling her every move. Maybe it was warranted, but it was unwanted.

Ode to Jenna Fischer Parte Dos

Rod Benson — 2008-04-20T15:40:18-07:00

Earlier today, I went out and bought "Walk Hard." I popped into my xbox and started watching it. I had no idea Jenna Fischer was in that bad boy looking as gorgeous as ever. It pissed me off in a way. Why did nobody tell me that the official Boom Tho girl was all spiced up and hot in a Judd Apatow movie? It caught me by surprise. I would have gone to the theatre to see it if I had known all the details.

Anyways, the fact of the matter is that the Boom Tho GOTM's have gotten more attention lately than the original Boom Tho Girl. Jenna, I haven't forgotten about you. We have a chemistry that only two people who have never met can share. It's special to only us. So, I decided that you needed another poem to show you just how I feel. The first poem can be seen in "Ode to Jenna Fischer", but this is the second one. This is Part Dos!

The past few months have been really whack
But 2 weeks ago at 7 The Office came back
I'm so glad she came back - I've missed her
That's right, I've missed you Jenna Fischer
I know you think we don't know each other
But after watching Dewey Cox, I think you need a brother
If you were some milk, I'd be like Ovaltine
We'd get some brown in you if you know what I mean
Yep, I said it, I'm anything but coy,
If your life is a happy meal, then I'm your free toy
My beds like a ship, let me be your captain
Come to my room, "Where Boom Tho Happens"
So what if Will Farrell felt you up in blades of glory
The irrigation room gets wild after dwights bedtime story
You're like the Little Mermaid, Ariel of the Sea
Ill go to the water where it is hotter take it from me
Let me show you why they call me Too Much
I just want to treat you like my Ipod Touch
The next line is dirty, If you know what I mean
Treat me like a Nintendo Cartridge that's not clean
We could be like Jules and Seth, solid as a rock
You can scratch my back, but it's located on my --
Let's make some sweet music like Bleeker and Juno
When it comes to Boom Tho girls, you're numero uno!

Pistol Pete-isms

Rod Benson — 2008-04-19T15:30:16-07:00

On Ball Don't Lie, I wrote about Pistol Pete and how his skills were superhuman. Go read that, if you haven't already.

Now that you've read it, I decided to list all the Pistol Pete-isms that people posted. So, here they are, uncut:

North Dakota Livin'

Rod Benson — 2008-04-03T15:26:14-07:00

That picture is a little blurry. My phone doesn't have the best of focus abilities. Regardless, the only thing you need to see in this picture is the temperature. It's still cold out here. It's actually snowing right now. Aint that some ish right there?

BTGOM: March

Rod Benson — 2008-04-02T15:25:23-07:00

I've been really drained lately. I guess thats how it goes at the end of the season. I'm just very mentally drained right now, as a result, I've been slackin on my BTGOM's. This won't happen again. My apologies.

Anyways, it's late, but so what? I know who gets the title for March, 2008. I've actually been tracking this girl for a year now. Tracking would appear to be a sophisticated way to say stalking, but I wont say it's the same thing. I just happened to take notice early and I have yet to stop noticing.

Top 5 Arcade Games

Rod Benson — 2008-04-02T15:13:26-07:00

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

So I watched this video, which is awesome, and it reminded me of Street Fighter at the arcade. I remember the days when every arcade game cost a quarter. Well a quarter soon became fifty cents. Fifty cents soon became 75. Games went from 2-D joystick fun to sit down, stand up, Wii style action. You need a coddamn pre-paid card just to play anything anymore. I digress.

Boom Tho Girl of the Month: February

Rod Benson — 2008-02-21T15:11:04-08:00

Due to busyness on my end, I'm a little late on the new Boom Tho Girl of the month. I had planned to coordinate the "Boom Tho Girl" video with the Feb. GOTM (Girl of the Month), but sadly, I have been overwhelmed with All-Star stuff and Yahoo!

Anyways, first things first. Thanks to everyone who emailed Julia Allison my behalf. To be honest, I emailed her on my behalf as well. Somewhat surprisingly, she responded to me. Wanna know what she said? Good, I thought so:

Is it O.K.?

Rod Benson — 2008-02-20T15:09:06-08:00

This is very simple. I am going to ask a question, then tell the story behind it, then ask the question again. Is it O.K.?

1. Is it O.K. to bump someone with your elbow while on an airplane?

I was flying somewhere recently. Since I was on the inside and there was very little room, the arm rest of lifted up. What this meant was that the guy next to me was already rubbing shoulders with me for the entire flight. I guess that's how it goes.

Valentines Day

Rod Benson — 2008-02-13T15:06:37-08:00

Funny MySpace Messages 9!

Rod Benson — 2008-01-24T14:44:09-08:00

You should be familiar with how these things go by now, so I won't waste effort with any kind of introduction. Let's do it...

I got this first message from a girl with the display name: "Killa K G.I.M. Double D dont f#@kin play.~$~" I took the liberty of editing her language for the curse-word sensitive...

Dec 24, 2007 7:08 AM
Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]
Subject:
No Subject
Body:
Wat ^ wit u

When I got this message I was a little worried. I wasn't worried that I was being targeted, but I was more concerned with the fact that this could be the laziest person to ever send a message. Is it really that much more effort to type out "What's up with you?" I personally don't think so. In fact, considering you have to hit Shift + 6 to make the "^" sign, time was not actually saved. Whatever, I had no intention of replying, so it didn't matter. I wasn't even gonna write about it until I got another message on the same day.

The Rockumentary

Rod Benson — 2008-01-16T14:43:02-08:00

Boom Tho Girl of the Month

Rod Benson — 2008-01-11T14:35:06-08:00

Lately I've been thinking about something. Jenna Fischer is a great woman to have as number 4 of the Boom Tho movement, but lets be realistic, she may be just a tad too big time. I mean, let's face it, I can't even get into an L.A. nightclub when I'm TRYING to buy a table. What makes me think I have the social clout to entertain Jenna Fischer?

Well, these thoughts led me to a new idea. I figure that Jenna Fischer is THE Boom Tho girl forever, like the numero uno all the time, but maybe there are other girls out there who are big time, but hopefully not too big time to respond to an email or a myspace message or something. Maybe I can list a girl who may lead a lifestyle that could lead to us meeting up one day. Is that so crazy?

Sometimes The Night Aint Right

Rod Benson — 2008-01-08T14:32:59-08:00

I was at Buck's again walking around as usual. It was like a Wednesday or something so there was almost nobody there. I walked around with a dazed look on my face for a little while. Finally my dazed look turned into one that said "I've given up for tonight." I started thinking about whether I was going to play Madden or Halo when I got home when someone interrupted my thought process.

"Don't look at me," some girl yelled from the middle of the dance floor. My eyes refocused as I came out of my day dream. I was looking at her, completely accidentally. It hit me then that she was not worth looking at. I hate to say it, but she was just not attractive at all. She came at me with the don't look at her bit and yet I would just as quickly come back at her with the same line.... So I did.

I'll Get You Sooner or Later

Rod Benson — 2007-12-30T14:27:58-08:00

My friend Stephanie sells commercial real estate over the phone. I guess her company is supposed to be the largest online yada yada commerical whatever you get the point. Stephanie constantly tells me about how hard her job is because people will consistently berate her because Americans don't really appreciate tele-marketers. I guess she has to call these people up and spark their interest in commercial real estate, but she deals with obscene language, and people who say they will call her back, but never do. I've heard it from her time and time again.

Best of the Worst

Rod Benson — 2007-12-30T14:26:06-08:00

It's very tough to get me angry. I pretty much find the funny side to everything in life. So even when someone comes at me with the utmost disrespect I laugh it off. That being said, I figured I would relay a couple things that have been said to me that I find hilarious.

At a house party:

I was at a small gathering at a house next door to my apartment socializing when someone said "I could, but it's so big and hard". I don't know what they were talking about, but I, of course, said "that's what she said". I always say it because it always works. Well, also because Michael Scott is my hero.

Poem Game Pt 2

Rod Benson — 2007-12-17T14:22:26-08:00

Sometimes you want more than just a meal. Sometimes you need a little spice in your life. Sometimes you need to play the poem game. A place like Ft. Wayne, Indiana can have that affect on you. Maybe it's the blistering cold, or the wind that makes in colder. Maybe it's the four day roadtrip that makes you glad to get back to Bismarck, but somewhere along the way you get real hyped for some poem game.

Before I begin, I want to make it perfectly clear that these poems are not copyrgithed or anything. Steal these, rewrite em, use em. Why not? If I help someone out there discover their gift of charm and use it to thier advantage, great. Nothing would delight me more!

Now, where was I? Oh yea. So, we got to IHOP a couple of days ago for a game day breakfast. I am personally a fan of the Rooty Tooty meal, so I ordered one. You know the Rooty Tooty. 2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 suasage, 2 ham slices, hash browns and 2 fruit covered pancakes. So sweet and delicious. While waiting for my food, I decided that I would try my hand at the poem game. I mean, success was not really the goal here, but entertainment was at a premium so I decided to give it a go. I asked our server for a pen and got to work.

Here's what I came up with:

Im Only Half of the Movement

Rod Benson — 2007-12-17T14:19:21-08:00

My teammates and I were riding through the streets of Bismarck on the way home from practice when I got a call.

I picked up the phone and said "What's up bro?"

"Bro, what's up?" was the reply.

We start every conversation the same. JGant was calling to congratulate me on a few things. What a stand up guy.

Well, sometime during the conversation, one of my teammates figured out who I was talking to.

Will Frisby interrupted my conversation. "Hold up. Is that JGant?"

I Watch a Male Modeling Show Every Week

Rod Benson — 2007-12-11T14:18:19-08:00

I'm with 6 of my teammates. It's movie night so we all have the popcorn out watching Superbad on my 73 inch T.V. Right after the fight scene outside the random party where the guy says that his "tiger got out of the cage", I jump out of my seat and tell everyone to hold on. I grab the remote, still shocked that I almost forgot, take the T.V. off of DVD mode and put it back on cable box. I look through the channel guide until I find the Oxygen network. Boom. I set the DVR to record "Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" which starts in 2 minutes, look around the room at the stunned faces staring back at me, then return to the movie.

My teammates didn't understand what I did. Too bad for them. I knew full well that my pants down dancing parter Christian Prelle was making his T.V. debut that night. He was selected by Janice as one of her models to headline her newly created Latin division

Giving Thanks

Rod Benson — 2007-12-07T14:04:45-08:00

Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from every single one of your family members? I have. In fact, I've spent the last six Thanksgivings away from home. It would appear that there is no end in sight to this streak.

I've gotten used to spending holidays away from home because basketball tends to always get in the way of such occasions. Still, besides not seeing my family, I have never gotten used to eating terrible food on a day when the food should be tremendous. There's nothing like getting 88 text messages from people talking about how good their Thanksgiving food is while you're staring down at a pile of goulash.

When I was a freshman at CAL it was the worst. I didn't even own a jacket, yet here I was walking through the streets of Cleveland with Erik Bond looking for a 7/11. Actually, it was more of a backpedal because Erik Bond convinced me that walking backward helped when walking in cold, windy conditions. He was right. So here we are walking backwards in 5 degree weather with snow falling all around us searching for a place to eat...on Thanksgiving. I think I bought a couple hot dogs and some Gatorade from the local 76 gas station and that was it. Great Thanksgiving. Oh yea, and I ended up missing the Big Game (CAL v Stanford football) which just happened to be the first time CAL had won in years. Great road trip. I heard that we marched the goal posts down Bancroft Ave. Real great road trip.

This Thanksgiving started out like that one. This was my official "meal" for the day:

Poem Game 1.5

Rod Benson — 2007-12-02T13:56:11-08:00

First things first, I guess my teammate from last time had a talk with the waitress and she told him that she had a boyfriend. They discussed her situation and decided to just be friends. Now that you have some closure on the last poem game entry, we can move forward.

This time we were all signing autographs as a team. These autograph sessions can get to be a little tedious at times, so I like to spice things up a bit. When we were almost done, the same teammate as before asked me to write another poem for him. The thing about it was that we were back at Buffalo Wild Wings, the same place where the first poem was given. I asked him who he could possibly give it to and he didnt answer. He just wanted another poem.

I sat down with my pen and paper and got to work:

Im Really Good at the Internet

Rod Benson — 2007-12-01T13:54:13-08:00

I think I am becoming an internet champion. What is an internet champion? Funny you should ask. I actually just made it up 30 seconds ago. An internet champion is always winning--at the internet. Simply put, I am most likely better at it than you.

I am just plain winning at the internet. My MySpace is championship calibre. My Facebook is real hot right now. My blog is rated number 1. Solid yes, but there are four more internet related things that I can't help but be dominant at:

Wyld Stallions:

Trinidad South America?

Rod Benson — 2007-11-29T13:51:34-08:00

I need your help. I have a teammate named Kibwe Trim. I call him Tribwe because thats what I do. Tribwe is from Trinidad. It was funny when he first told he was a "Trinidadian". It led me to call him names such as "Trinidaddy Long Legs" and "Trick Daddy".

Anyways, he told me that Trinidad was real close to Venezuela. I told him it was probably approximately 8 stones throws away and he didn't disagree. I then said that he was the second South American I've played with. Morro was the first ("...they laugh at Morro"). Well, Tribwe did not respond well to being called South American. In fact, he refuses to admit that he is South American. I told him there is no shame in being South American. I am a proud North American myself, why not be proud?

The New Poem Game

Rod Benson — 2007-11-15T13:49:26-08:00

We were all at Buffalo Wild Wings when one of my teammates told me that he wanted to talk to one of the waitresses. He didn't know which one, and he didn't know how he would do it, but he knew he wanted to. It seemed as though one week in North Dakota had quickly become too long to not attempt to find a woman.

I was very willing to help. Why not? The guy obviously wanted to have fun with it and also hopefully take a phone number with his to-go box as we left the building. All 8 of us there that night knew that if I was to get involved that it could get a little bit ridiculous. I mean, let's face it. Everybody had heard the rumors about my blog and my antics. New guys were curious and returning guys were astonished at how much hype tmrb had gotten since that championship game day back in April.

My Roll Dawgs

Rod Benson — 2007-11-08T13:45:31-08:00

The title of this entry sums up nearly 3 weeks of happenings. I think some of the events described go back as far as my last night in New York, and go all the way to right now. I've got the Kanye West on and no T.V., that means it's time for some bloggin'. Let's do it.

I'll start by taking it back to that last night in NYC. You see, before my agent had even called me to tell me the news that my days in New Jersey were done, I was already heading out to the city to watch then #2 ranked CAL play Oregon State in football. Before I left the hotel I was cutting my hair as usual, when the guard slipped off of the clippers without my knowledge. I gave my head a few more strokes before I noticed that the guard was lying on the ground next to my foot. I looked back up at the clippers and sure enough my #1 cut had become a number zero. Damn. I looked at the mirror and immediately saw that my head was definitely giving that Charles Barkley, K.G., M.J. shine . It wasn't that bad, but people who know black people's hair would definitely notice my spot. I called up Clayton and told him what had happened. We agreed that if any of the white people at the CAL bar noticed my spot, then it was really bad, if they didn't, then if was just a minor patch of hair lower than the rest. My main concern was that I was going to have to practice the next day and that the entire team (esp. Antoine Wright and Vince Carter) would make fun of me. Luckily, as I am a glass half full kind of guy, I was released before any of them had a chance to check me out.

That night I did end up going to the bar to watch CAL play Oregon State. I met up with my boys Stevie P. and Cam Jones.

Funny MySpace Messages 8!

Rod Benson — 2007-10-30T13:39:04-07:00

Although I personally feel that there have been funnier messages in some of the past editions, I don't think any have compared to the ridiculousness (except for the greatest story ever told) found in numero ocho. This edition may anger you as much as it will fill you with joy and laughter. As always, you will be the judge of such things.

I'll kick off 8th edition of Funny MySpace Messages with a couple people who just won't let it go. These are people who I DO NOT reply to and still they continue to blow me up with messages. Like this guy:

It Just Got Real

Rod Benson — 2007-10-29T13:36:45-07:00

Today I made my return to Bismarck, North Dakota official. I faxed in my contract sealing my season (or hopefully just a part of it) as a D-League baller. You know what I'm saying... like KG except I aint worth a dollar, right?

My contract had the usual agreements on it:

Do you agree to compete in the NBDL?

Yes.

Do you agree to make way less money than you would overseas in hopes that you recieve a call-up and a shot at the NBA life?

Yes.

Do you agree to go back to North Dakota?

Sure.

Do you agree to living in sub zero temperatures and snow for months at a time?

Done it before.

Are you sure, considering that you still don't know how to drive in the snow?

Gotta learn sometime.

Do you agree to 8 hour van rides, 10 day road trips, 5 hour layovers, and flights that always connect through Denver or Mineapolis?

Yes.

Are you sure? Denver is really scary to in and out of with all that turbulence and all.

It's Halloween, there are scarier things. Yes.

Did you look at the schedule and notice that you will not leave the midwest for months?

Uh huh.

Do you agree to playing in for and in front of the best fans in the D-League?

I would do it for free (not really). Yes.

Are you ready to rock?!

Yep.

And roll?

Indeed.

And thus, after signing off on (and mentally agreeing to) all of the above stipulations, I can proclaim my return. I am returning to Bucks, and Stadium, B Dubs and Dennys, the Steak Buffet and Wal Mart, Best Buy and Ressler Chevrolet commercials. Lets rock! You know, and roll...

My BBall Career is like a game of "Mike Tyson's Punchout"

Rod Benson — 2007-10-22T13:33:37-07:00

I had this entry done a week ago. It was then that my computer pretended to run out of batteries and turned itself off. In any case, it's here now. I was released by the Nets a week ago. Before I get into the Nintendo reference and my future, I'll recap my last days in Jersey.

2 weeks ago we had the open practice at Farleigh Dickinson University. I, not knowing anything about anything, expected to see a couple hundred people there. When the multiple thousands of people started packing the gym, I realized that people care more about the Nets than they do about the Austin Toros (D-League) who I was with this time last year.

After our scrimmage, I got to really see how crazy fans are for NBA teams. Thousands and thousands of people were calling out the names of thier favorite players. I was sitting down icing my knees while the madness took place. I can imagine that if I was Vince Carter or Jason Kidd, I would have a serious problem responding to anyone who says my name at any time. I heard people yell out "Jason" over and over and over and over. Seriously, like 300 people at a time, all saying his name. People wanted to get autographs so badly I couldn't believe it.

Year 24, Day 1

Rod Benson — 2007-10-11T12:58:13-07:00

The 24th year of my life began like every other day this past month. I woke up, checked my facebook (already flooded with happy birthday messages), got dressed, played a game of Madden (beat the Colts 77-0, on all madden) and went to practice.

Once I got to the practice facility, things took a turn. There were cameras waiting outside when I got out of the team van. The cameras actually filmed me going into the building. I know that you probably assume that they should want to follow me in, since I am one of nineteen players that they are supposed to film, but Rod Benson is on a lower spot on the totem pole than some of the big time guys, so I was very surprised.

I got into my gear, had a delicious Gatorade energy shake, and got my ankles taped. I have to reiterate how good these things are, the Gatorade shakes. Every time a baby laughs, I believe that the tears of joy that stream down their faces are collected by Gatorade scientists, mixed together with such wonderful ingredients as uncooked cake batter and sucrose syrup, and put into a wonderful green can. Remember 9/11? Yea, the exact opposite of that. I digress.

What B-Melt Has to Say (Myspace Story Part 2)

Rod Benson — 2007-10-10T12:56:37-07:00

Go back down and read "The Greatest Myspace story ever told,” if you havent yet. When your done, my boy B-melt has some more to add. It is in his voice, so I'll let him say what he has to say...

Rod, you were pretty dead on about your story. but i do have a couple extra stories for your viewers enjoyment. SO EVERYONE, please continue to read... Everything happens in life for a reason, but when things happen like this, and when they happen to you, the only thing you can say is... "i know stuff like this can happen, but not to me!" it was weird, the more we talked, the more we had in common, the more we had in common, the more we clicked, the more we clicked, the more other people knew i was talkin to her. the more people that knew i was talkin to her, the more she hyped up the coolest white boy ever, i mean... SHE EVEN PUT A PIC OF ME ON HER MYSPACE PAGE! (now i dont think it can get any more honorable than that, LMAO) anyways... i havent lost total contact with her, she really is a good person, with a good heart... but its crazy to think not only did she have me fooled, but she had 75% of all professional athletes fooled, (i was the only white exception she ever made, so you gotta admit, that adds a little more spice to the story, lol) The 1st story might be the most ironic of all stories. in 2000,When i was a freshman at Illinois, i actually talked to her online many times, and we conversed back and forth about people and life in general. i remember sending her a picture of me and yao ming together...anyways... more than 5 years later, we ironically became friends on myspace, (which at the time, i had no idea i even knew her) and she immediately sent me that pic of me and yao ming, which freaked me the hell out, i mean... how in the world did she get that? i mean, that picture was taken over 6 years ago! and i forgot i even had that picture! anyways, that convinced me that OF COURSE, I DID KNOW HER, and by the looks of her pics... I REALLY WANTED TO GET TO KNOW HER SOME MORE!!! In fact, that leads me to story #2...the more i got to know her, the more she name dropped, and i started to realize we had many mutual friends, she actually got me into clubs in SD with out even being within 3,000 miles from me. i was waiting in line at "aubergine" downtown, and there were some Chargers having a party in there, some i knew, some i didnt, but the ones i knew, SHE KNEW! so, she hit them up on their TMAIL, saying, "hey, my boy is waitin in line outside the club, can you get him in?" the next thing i knew, i had some of the Chargers coming out to get me, bmelt, into the club! how crazy is that? im just a white boy from the country with connects from all over the globe. LOL... now its time for story #3,which is by far,last but not least... what im about to say is going to be said for a total sense of humor that you happened to leave out of your story, so please "Tiffany", dont get mad, its only as funny as you made it, At a certain "white party" in the summer of 06' i ran into this Kelly guy... he asked me... "hey, are you really dating 'Tiffany'?" and at that time, i was the only one in america who knew "the truth", i just didnt want to blow her cover, so i responded "yeah, sure AM!!!" he said, "DAMN YOURE LUCKY, i've seen her pictures, DAMN SHE'S GOT A PHAT ASS!!!" my only response i could think of was "you got that right!" anyways, i thought that would add some humor to your story. i could go on and on about stories that i encountered on my 6 month journey with this "Tiffany" character. but its just not worth it. she's a good girl, who made a mistake, all people make mistakes, but atleast she got the chance to live the life that many people can only dream of...being a "MYSPACE JUMP-OFF"!!! good luck to you RB, it was great sharing stories with you this summer at Glen Park! the infamous, bMelt. Once you become famous, you can never become UN-famous, you can only become IN-famous!!! remember that... "Matthew 19:26; with god, all things are possible"

East Coastin' Part 2 (NJ Nets)

Rod Benson — 2007-10-01T12:55:32-07:00

I've now been in New Jersey for a month. I'm gonna be honest with you. I probably spent 20 hours a day inside the hotel during the week. The other four hours were spent in the gym. After reading both of my Patterson books in the first few days, I needed something more to do. First, it was watching different episodes of The Hills After Show online. I even watch "An American Tale"... twice. I know the songs "Never Say Never" and "Somewhere Out There" by heart now. Then, it was onto other various things on MTV.com such as casting and what not. I figure if they have a "True Life: I Live in a Hotel" or something like that, I should be a shoe in. Now it's time to recap the whole month in one post. So what if it's a long post... deal with it.

Anyways, one day I was just laying around, staring out at the NYC skyline, when I remembered how fun xbox 360 used to be. I remembered the good times xbox and I used to have. I kind of felt like it was an ex-girlfriend who gave me the "it's not you it's me" line. It just gave me 3 red lights, peaced, and never came back. Well, I decided that enough was enough. I decided to take action and get my girl back.

I went online and found a ton of results on XBOX 360 and the 3RLOD (three red lights of death). As it turns out, the 3RLOD is a ridiculously common thing with the 360. Lucky for me there were plenty of tutorials on how to fix that bad boy. There were many schools of thought on the 3RLOD, many of which dealt with cooling and heat sink issues. I basically read a couple tutorials, selected the one for me, and got to work. Considering the fact that I used to build PCs from components, I felt that I could get the job done.

Ode to Jenna Fischer

Rod Benson — 2007-09-16T12:53:14-07:00

If you didn't get a look at the new number 4 on my home page, Jenna Fischer has taken the place. Now, you must understand that I don't think I have any real shot of meeting her, however, I love "The Office", which she stars in. I loved her in Blades of Glory. I recently was informed that she is getting a divorce. Now, after adding her to my friends on MySpace, I have decided to write her a poem so that she knows just how I feel...

Ode to Jenna Fischer

But soft, what light breaks through yonder television?
It is the east, and Jenna Fischer is the sun
I don't mean to be silly, sick, crazy or rude
But when I watch The Office, I wanna be your dude
I cant fight like Roy, Im not as cool as Jim
But Im taller and blacker than both of them
I think if you read just a few of my blogs
Youd accept my invitation to play a game of pogs
Or Madden, or double dutch, whatever you like
Then youd never forget me, like riding a bike
I saw Blades of Glory and envied Will Farrell's right hand
Tonight you be a woman, and I'll be a man
I'm Doug and youre Patty, Im Stan and your Wendy
I'll move to LA, where we'll both be so Trendy
We could keep it a secret, make it sound like a fable
Like Monica and Bill, keep it under the table
People will say that were crazy the day that we wed
They'll compare you to Britney, and me to K Fed
Accept my MySpace friendship, that would be great
You could be my number 1, not just my top 8
Ill send you flowers like roses and daisies
If you said you wanted me, Id say back "Same-zies"
I know youve got trouble, divorces are hard
So let me take you out on my Chili's gift card
If I make the League, then youll be convinced
Just dont run off with R Jeff or Vince
On September 27th you go back to Pam Beasely
Ill be watching feeling a little bit sleazy
Imagining you and me closing my room do'
Because you already know it's boom tho!

The End.

East Coastin'

Rod Benson — 2007-09-10T12:51:55-07:00

I stepped off the plane in Newark, New Jersey and headed down to the carousel to get my bag. I spent the next 45 minutes just waiting for my bag to come out. I don't think I've ever waited so long, but it wasn't bad because I got to inspect the scenery. People were talkin with their accents which was pretty sweet. There was actually a driver waiting for me who was holding a sign that said "Benson" which was also pretty sweet. He had an accent too, another thing that was sweet. I think I heard someone use the word "wiseguy" -- again, sweet. I walked over to the towncar and got in. As we headed to the hotel I could see the New York skyline. Sweet. I also saw some really big docks. I've seen enough T.V. to know that you don't want to end up "down by the docks", which I thought was sweet. I finally got to the hotel and went to my room and laid my head down. Right before I went to bed I thought to myself "You're on the east coast. Sweet."

The next day I headed over to the Nets practice facility with a couple other guys who are also up here early to work out. The workout was real tough, but that's just how it goes. Coaches were walking around saying hi to guys and I kind of felt like a no name. Then I hear somebody say "Rod Benson!"

I turn around and one of coaches says "Dont put me in the blog."

THE GREATEST MYSPACE STORY EVER TOLD

Rod Benson — 2007-09-06T12:48:45-07:00

Normally, you come to tmrb and you see the word MySpace and get a little bit giddy. You think that the new installment of messages could have you laughing so hard that you pee your pants. Maybe your pants are still wet from the last time. Well, this time is different. This is one of those few stories that really isn't just comedy. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll curse the day you ever signed up for myspace. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. I've actually had the materials to write this story for a year. I write it today for a couple of reasons. First, and more importantly, I lost a lot of the info when my computer crashed in July, so I have to write it out while it's still fresh in my mind. Secondly, it is the one year anniversary of the day I first heard the greatest myspace story ever told...

Where do I begin? How about spring 2005? In the spring of 2005, I was just coming off my big year at CAL. I'll admit it, I felt pretty big time for like 3 weeks until I got hurt. In the meantime, I was riding my wave of emotion and hype that would lead into my senior year. My hype spilled over into my myspace page for a long time. All my pictures were of me dunking or shooting or blocking somebody's shot ferociously (Matt Haryasz haha). My page basically screamed "big time" to anyone who saw it... or so I thought.

Anyways, in about mid march 2005, I got a myspace message. I opened it. It said "Hey sexy. What's up?" If you've read anything myspace related on tmrb, you know that I get these kinds of messages all the time from these disgusting women. This day was different. When I looked at the profile of the woman before me, I saw this:

Don't Make Me Punch You in the Balls... Again.

Rod Benson — 2007-08-29T12:46:51-07:00

This past saturday I was out at Slide (upscale San Francisco nightclub) with JGant, Clay, and Cedric. The thing about Slide is that it's a lot like L.A. clubs. Tight women basically can just walk right in, while women who the bouncers think aren't good enough to walk right in and all men without a VIP table have to wait out side. Even then, men can't get in unless they have at least 50% women in their group. Well, Clay and I were on the list, so we didn't have to worry about female accompaniment. JGant and Cedric were on their own to find some womens to help them get into the club.

JGant was the only one drinking that night so it was no surprise when we walked back up with the only 3 girls in line that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Then again, he had to make his way in somehow. Right before we got in, 3 other girls that I wouldn't call terrible, butI also wouldn't call the cream of the crop walked by and said "Look at those guys," clearly talking about JGant and myself.

Elaine Mooseman is Going Down!

Rod Benson — 2007-08-29T12:42:44-07:00

Where oh where has toomuchrodbenson.com gone? What happened? I tried to check for an update and there was no longer anything there.

I got emails saying all of that and more over the last few days. I didn't really have a good answer for anyone. I, like you, thought that this beautiful thing called toomuchrodbenson.com was dead. Since this has been spread by word of mouth and linkage, I figured the time had come when TMRB would be no more. Let me explain...

Back on July 15th of 2006, I started toomuchrodbenson.com when I bought the domain name from Godaddy.com. Those sexually charged commercials really got to me. Anyways, I had the domain for a year. When I changed hosts from Apple to IXhosting, I was told that I could move my domain name to IX web hosting services. I did this and got my cancellation notification from GoDaddy. Boom. Perfect. The new TMRB.com was up and running just fine for the last 6 weeks.

The Offseason Part 4

Rod Benson — 2007-08-23T12:38:49-07:00

My off season continues to roll on as August passes and September comes in. I arrived in Sacramento 3 weeks ago direct from my NBA Fair extravaganza in North Dakota. Since getting up here, things have really slowed down for me. It seems like everything I do now has a meaning to it. The season is right around the corner, and what I do now will have a direct correlation with the season. I think they call this focus in some places. If so, this is the most focused I've ever been, but that doesn't mean that I can't have different kinds of excitement along the way.

My next door neighbor is Harold Pressley. You may remember him from Villanova back in the days or from the Sacramento Kings in the 90s. He has 3 kids, one of which looks exactly like Kevin Martin. I mean not like a look a like, but the kid looks like a kid would look if Kevin Martin reproduced asexually.

Public Transportation/Use Your Phone

Rod Benson — 2007-08-22T12:32:07-07:00

As an avid Amtrak and BART (bay area subway type thing) rider, I am witness to many ridiculous things. Remember the man who followed me from Sacramento to Richmond, then followed onto the BART, then got off at Glen Park station just like me, only to offer me oral sex when we got there? Yea, that pretty much justifies me as an expert in Trains, BART, and ridiculousness.

Seems like every time I ride Amtrak something ridiculous happens. This last weekend, I was on my wasy from Sacramento to Richmond, like always. I had my Ipod on my ears, blasting my new favorite song. It's called "Feel The Rain on Your Skin" by Natasha Beddingfield. I know it's old, but so it "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton and that's hot too. Maybe it's just because it's on The Hills, which is now my 7th favorite show. I digress.

I had my music blasting real loud on my ears, and I was actually singing along. You know, kind of mumbling something like "staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window, let the sun da da da da da da da da, reaching for something in the distance..." when I got that bathroom ur

Can You Beat Pwiggle?

Rod Benson — 2007-08-22T12:29:36-07:00

I've been depressed lately. In all facets of my life things are looking up, but there is one area that is currently chipping away at my will to live. It seems that ever since those 3 red lights showed up on my xbox 360, life has lost its meaning. What do I do to consume my late afternoons? I am often too tired to write and too awake to nap. I can refresh my MySpace page and constantly check my facebook newsfeed, but without Madden, things are just not the same.

This past weekend I, like a broken man who was given a glimpse of what his life could be, was able to play Madden 08 for the first time. My boy Theo Robertson owns a copy for 360, and he invited me over to play.

I have said before that I would choose Madden over women in many situations. That day, Madden was my woman. What we shared was similar to a sexual experience. First, I got to know it. I read the manual, and reviewed the new controls. Then I turned it on. Self explanatory. Then there was the foreplay. I checked the rosters and the ratings. Its body (ratings system) was amazing, and it's 100 speed guy named Devon Hester made me nearly faint. Then we went at it. Oh man we must have done it 6 or 7 times in a row. The room was spinning, the temperature was rising, and my whole body was trembling with joy. Madden and I started at 10am and I didn't say my goodbyes until 5pm the next day. I started out pretty bad because I hadn't done it in months. By the time I was done, I was back to my old dominant self. I found myself taking control early, easing my way in, then pounding (my opponents) towards the end, leaving all the other guys wondering how I could do it so well.

I am now again ready to ascend to the top of the internet Madden world via Xbox Live. I go back to San Diego at the end of the month, at which time I will finally send my Xbox in for repair. I don't know how my budding Madden career will coincide with my basketball career but I think I can make it work. I guess I'm just a player.

For those who want to challenge me and my Madden abilities, my gamertag is pwiggle. I may have to re-subscribe or something when I get set up again, but yea pwiggle is it. I know what you're thinking: "What the hell does pwiggle mean?" I'll just have to tell you then..

You might have read that as pwig-gle, but that is wrong. It's actually P Wiggle, but when creating my gamertags years ago, no spaces were allowed on video game save names.

P Wiggle started years ago, my freshman year at Cal, actually. We were down in downtown L.A. for the Pac-10 tournament. I was taking a nap in my room, minding my own business, when my mom walked in. I knew she was coming, so I had propped open the door, but I had fallen asleep while waiting. My roommate at the time, Tayshan Forehan-Kelly, was wide awake, and in the bathroom. My mom, supposedly, allegedly, upon walking into the room, said "Where is my little Piggle Wiggle?".

I never heard these words myself, as I was sleeping when she came in. Also, she had never called me Piggle Wiggle ever before in my life. 3Han (Tayshan's nickname) however, supposedly, allegedy, heard my mom utter these words, and proceded to tell everyone on the team except me.

The next day at practice, everybody kept calling me Piggle Wiggle and variations such as pickle wickle, and I had no idea why. Finally Richard Midgley alerted me that 3Han overheard my mom.

Sooooo when we got back to Berkeley, we were playing Halo. It was actually a multi room, team Halo event featuring the Basketball team vs. the Baseball team 8 on 8. When making my profile, they bet me that I wouldn't use P-Wiggle as the name. The name has never changed since.

The Offseason Part 3

Rod Benson — 2007-08-02T12:27:28-07:00

I'm currently awaiting a phone call from my agent alerting me of who I will go to training camp with (provided that anybody out there wants me). While in wait mode, I got a phone call from the media relations guy (Mike, if that's not your title, my bad) from the NBDL Dakota Wizards, Mike. Mike informed my that the NBA would contact me soon about an appearance they hoped I would do. A few days later I was on the phone with an NBA representative who informed me that the NBA has something called the NBA Fair. The NBA Fair is an NBA attraction that travels to state fairs all over the country. Specifically, the NBA Fair travels to fairs that are outside of traditional NBA Markets.

The NBA agreed to pay me to go to the NBA Fair at North Dakota's state fair in Minot, ND, to sign autographs and play games with the kids. I would be obligated to appear for an hour each day for two days. I figured it would be cool, plus there was money involved, duh.

When I stepped off the plane in North Dakota, there was a local sports reporter there who was ready to interview me. You can watch that here: http://www.kxma.com/video.asp?ArticleId=147564&VideoId=11908

The Greatest to Ever Come Out of Cardiff by the Sea?

Rod Benson — 2007-07-26T12:23:31-07:00

While I was home in Cardiff (San Diego), I got wind of some basketball tournament at Glen Park. Glen Park is where I grew up playing since I was 8 years old. If I was a star in EA Sports NBA Street, Glen Park would be my home court and my story would tell of days ballin at the park, drankin slurpees at 7 Eleven, then walking to the beach. Anyways, I was told that the Glen Park Classic (GPC) would be held while I was back in Cardiff. At first I had no interest in the event. Why would I? I grew up playing against these guys my whole life and I had never even heard of the GPC. Also, I spent the last two weeks guarding guys like Rudy Gay and Chris Kaman, what could really come out of participating in the GPC?

It then dawned on me that Cardiff is my town. I, through the GPC, could be crowned the greatest player Cardiff has to offer. I mean the population is only like 8,000 and there's not even a high school there, but that crown would make competing worthwhile in my mind. I had Kelly place the call to Kam Walton, cousin of NBA Star Luke Walton. They already had 6 men for the 4 on 4 affair, so he cut some guy who played his college ball at Iowa, I guess he was no Rod Benson. Our team included Kam, Adam Olson, Myself, Tyler Newton, who played at UOP, Jordan Feramisco, my former high school teammate and San Diego county player of the year, Dave Bradley, another Torrey Pines High star who actually was Iowa's punter and former roommate of Jared Reiner (small world huh?). So, exactly one week after going against Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants, and Craig Smith, I was lining up against No name guy #1, #2, #3, and #4 at the GPC.

Camp/Dive Bars (I've been told this needs a more grabby name, due to the fact that it is actually the craziest post ever).

Rod Benson — 2007-07-25T12:20:54-07:00

Finally, there was a break in the madness. A week at home in Cardiff by the Sea (North County San Diego) with no commitments, games, or pressure. I basically had just a few things on my agenda: I wanted to spend time with the fam, explore our local dive bar scene, and work my high school basketball camp for some extra cheese. Plus, I was driving a hearse all week as my transportation. Pretty much all the ingredients necessary for a crazy week.

Best Week Ever

Rod Benson — 2007-07-24T12:19:19-07:00

Basically, I have decided that I now love Las Vegas. The last time I was there, I had an O.K. time. In the "I'm Not Big TIme" and "You've Got to be Kidding Me" entries, I watched the beautiful celebrities splash champagne in the VIP while I was crowded on the dance floor. This last trip was very different my friends. Why was it so diffewrent this time? Hmm I dunno. Maybe it had a little something to do with the fact that I was there with the Memphis Grizzlies. Yea, that was it. I was in town with 20 NBA teams. It makes a little bit of a difference. Oh yea, I happened to be staying at The Venetian ... eeevvverrr heard of it?